


Sit Like a Lady

by MattieKai



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Cronus in makeup, Crying, F/F, FTM Karkat Vantas, For Amon, Freeform, Hugs, Humanstuck, M/M, MTF Rose, Manly Tears, OOCness, Slow Build, Thanksgiving, Transgender, Vegan, crap story, ftm eridan, jesus cookies, men in makeup, possible ooc, side chapter, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-02-13 10:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2147037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattieKai/pseuds/MattieKai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There has always been a recurring phrase throughout my life. The phrase used to confuse me when I was younger.</p><p>Sit like a lady.</p><p>Reason number one: What did it mean to sit like a lady? How does one differentiate male and female sitting? </p><p>Reason number two: Why was I the one being told this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for my PLP, Amon. He is awesome. 
> 
> I apologies for the terrible writing and spelling and grammar mistakes. I did not proof read or anything. I shall do that later.

There has always been a recurring phrase throughout my life. The phrase used to confuse me when I was younger.

"Sit like a lady," my mother would chide me, her thin finger pointed at me, a scowl on her face.

What did it mean to sit like a lady? How does one differentiate male and female sitting? 

I would simply look up at her confused. I stopped asking how to 'sit like a lady' a long time ago. The first and last time I asked I got yelled at. She yelled that I already knew how to sit like a lady since I am one. That it's common knowledge. That confused me even more. 

I was confused because I didn't understand how it could be common knowledge. I was only four years old. I was also was confused on why she called me a lady.

I understood what a lady was. What a lady was, that was taught to me from before I could even remember. What I didn't understand was why she called /me/ a lady. Why she told /me/ to sit like one.

That year, I finally realized why she was always telling me this. When I was put into frilly, lacey dresses. When my long hair was put into strange hairdos, when my face became heavy with the makeup, I understood. I was a lady. I was a girl. 

I remember getting mad. My stutter became worse, I would have tantrums and just cry. Why, you ask? Because I didn't want to be a girl.

I didn't feel right. I felt like my entire being was a lie. I was also mad because I shouldn't feel so angry because of my gender. I shouldn't be mad that I was not a boy. I shouldn't feel any weirded out by my body.

As I grew older, the angrier I became. I tried to hide it. I knew if I acted out, I'd get scolded. I was put into pageants and dance classes. I was forced to 'sit like a lady.' I was yelled at if I came home covered in filth. I was even told that I should start acting my gender.

That was the first time I yelled at my mother that I didn't want to be a girl. I told her I hated being a girl. She thought it was because I was so overwhelmed. So, she dropped my tap and jazz dance lessons. I still had to do ballet.

When I was twelve, that was the worst year of my life. It began on the last week of February. My stomach hurt so much. I just stayed home from school, curled into a ball, clutched my stomach. My mom would come in and check on me. The third day I stayed home, she took me to the doctors. They had me urinate into a cup. 

The doctor came into the room and asked if I had started my monthly cycles. I knew what that meant. My teacher had told us last year about the changed our body would take. It made me sick.

I shook my head. The doctor said he spotted blood in the sample, that I would probably start soon. 

I told him he was lying and I left. I ran to the car and stayed there until my mother came back and began our drive home. She was surprisingly quiet. She didn't scold me when I sat with my legs in two parrelles. I told her I don't want to do anymore pageants or dancing. She actually agreed.

Two days later, I began my period. My eyes widened in shock. My skin became even more place then it already was. I screamed. My mother ran to me and she frowned and taught me how to use the pad and how to dispose of it and all I needed to know. I hated this. I cried myself to sleep that night. Mainly because my mother sat me down and told me that this wasn't something I should hate. It's something I should feel happy with. Because this proved I was becoming a woman.

That weekend, I grew curious. I went onto the Internet and searched why I felt the way I do and how to stop it.

A new word came up; transgender.

I looked all into it. That was the day I found out what I was. That was also the day i found out I wasnt the only one who felt like this. I felt relieved. I thought I was the only one. 

I found a chat room for people like me. I met a girl named Rose. She was nice. She is there to listen to me and I love that. She gives good advice. We both have a love for wizards and she introduced me into fanfiction and cosplay. I found I have a love for Drarry. Also, that I was gay. 

I began to question something that day. I questioned if I would ever be loved. I asked Rose if there was a chance a guy would want to date another transgender guy. She said yes. She also began to tell me of her relationship with a girl named Kanaya. I was the first person she told about her lover. I felt so privileged. 

Rose told me I should go out more, that I should talk to people. The only time I went outside was when I had a school. At school, I always stayed silent. I didn't like the people and I didn't want to know them. But I had to admit, I was lonely.

At the beginning of the new school year, I made my first, non Internet friend. Her name was Feferi. She was really nice and made fish puns. She didn't mind my stutter. She even thought it was cute.

After six months of being Feferi friend, I told her about being transgender. It wasn't something I intended on doing, but she came over to my house on a bad day. The day i noticed my breasts were coming in. I prided myself in at least not getting books right after my period. I was hoping I wouldn't grow any, but they began to grow.

I was crying when she came over. She knocked on the door. Without thinking, I opened it. Her smile instantly became a worried frown. She pulled me into a hug and asked what's wrong.

"I'm growing boobs!" I cried out.

She looked confused and asked why that was bad.

"I don't want to be a girl!" I said, sitting down and pulling my body close, my head between my arms, my arms holding my legs to my growing chest.

It took her a bit to understand what I meant, but she frowned sadly and hugged me close. She knew what transgender meant, she understood. She accepted me.

A month after I told her, my breast grew to a size B, I got a present from Feferi. I opened the box and grinned widely. It was a binder.

I wore the binder all the time, I kept it under my pillow when I slept, so it'd be warm when I woke. I washed it secretly so my mother never knew I had it, though it wasn't hard to hide it from her, seeing as how she was never home.

Two months after I got my binder, I got a message on my account on some popular chatting website. The guy told me he was my brother, and that he'd like to meet me.

I stared at the computer with a bit of shock. I didn't know exactly what to do. I never knew I had a brother, though I didn't know much of the people I was related to since my father left my mother a few months after I was born and my mother wasn't close to any of her relatives.

I asked Rose and Feferi on what I should do. Feferi suggested I met with him. Rose had me look into him first before I made any my decision. 

The guys name was Cronus Ampora. He had the samr last name as me. I looked at some of his photos and it was like looking in a mirror. He had the similar features as me, the only difference of his being sharper and more masculine. I couldn't help but think that if I actually had the my hair cut like his, we would be almost identical. I agreed to meet him, but only if I could bring Feferi. He agreed.

We met at cafe not far from my school. I was surprised by his clothes style. His hair was slicked back into some retro hairdo and he wore I white T - shirt with black skinny jeans and an unlit cigarette hung from his mouth. He looked like he belonged from Grease. I chuckled. He also had a weird accent.

When he first saw me, he was in shock of how tiny I was. I understood that, I was very thin and short, though not as short as he exaggerated. I was standing beside Feferi, she was very tall with nice curves.

Even though I thought this meeting would be awkward, it wasn't. He was always talking and smiling and making sure both Feferi and I were comfortable and having a good time. Though he flirted like no other to Feferi, but that only made her laugh. His response was to clutch his heart and claim he was wounded. 

It turns out, Cronus was a Harry Potter lover. That was something they had in common. It made me happy.

It also turns out that Cronus could be bit of an ass, though he didn't seem to notice. He would be talking and it would simply flow out. We if ignored it, noticing him not even realize he said it. 

After a few hours went by, we decided it was best to leave. Cronus gave me, and Fef, his number, telling us to text and call whenever and that we should meet up again soon. We agreed and he told me that he would text soon as well to plan a date on which we should hang out. I smiled at this. 

We parted ways and on the way home, Feferi was telling me she liked him, weirdly enough. I chuckled and said I did too. She also asked if I would tell him, or even my mother, about being transgender. I said maybe, because honestly, I'm scared to. I don't want them to hate me. I just met Cronus, my only sibling, and my mother, well, I don't think she'd take it well.

That night, I laid on my bed thinking. I could help a weird feeling in my gut. Why did Cronus, after all these years, find me. Was I thinking to much of it? I sighed and closed my eyes, going to sleep.

A week later, Cronus and I decided to meet up again. We agreed to meet up at the same cafe, only this time, he would drive me to his house. I was nervous to go, especially since Feferi wasn't going, but I met with him anyways. During the while car ride, he was singing, badly, to old rock and roll, making me laugh and him chuckle and fake being hurt. 

We drove fifteen minutes away from the cafe, into a different part of the city. It was more settled and not as crowded. We pulled up to his house and we both got out. 

"So, what do you think of the gays?" Cronus suddenly said. I looked shocked at him, but quickly changed that and replied. 

"I don't see any problem with it," I said, hoping it wasn't the wrong thing. 

He smiled and opened the door. "Good, so I want you to meet my lover, Kankri."

Cronus motioned inside and pointed to an averaged sized male with black hair, slightly tanned skin, wearing a red sweater. The man looked fed up and he sighed.

"Cronus, honestly, would you not say stuff like that? We are not lovers, we are housemates. I live here because we are, strangely, friends. It is close to my collage and work and Karkat gets a room as well. That is all. Do you understand how, if this young lady could possibly be-" the male named Kankri began to go in a rant. At the word 'young lady' my body involuntarily clenched up.

Before Kankri could go any further, I was taken away to the kitchen, Cronus waving his hand at him saying "yeah yeah, we got it" and Kankri yelling "don't walk away, I wasn't finished talking" and "do you know how rude that is" which Cronus would just chuckle at.

Cronus had me sit down at the stool in front of the island and got me a drink. He leaned on the island smiled, giving me a certain look.

"So, anything you want to tell me?" He asked, an all to knowing grin on his face. 

I could only think of a few things, but stayed quiet and shook my head.

"Really? Well, I have something to tell you," he began and moved and walked around the island around nd behind me, I got a dreading feeling in my chest and turned my head and looked at him. He moved his hand on my back and grabbed the fabric of my binder and pulled down, making me realize something. 

"Your binder is tangled," he says smoothly. "it was last time too," he said, then pat my head and moved back to where he was before, leaning against the island. 

My face went red and I muttered "oh" and sipped my drink, avoiding eye contact. 

Cronus chuckled and I looked up at him, confused as to why. 

"Look, there's another reason why Kankri and his brother are here. Kankri brother has the same problem you do and their parents weren't all to thrilled, so, Kankri told Karkat to pack a bag and go to the car while he killed them with his overly long speeches.

"At this moment, the red sweater wearing man walked in, his mouth open in shock.

"People don't die from my speeches. It is impossible and besides, my speeches, if you ever listened, have meaning to them. Also-" Kankri began.

Cronus chuckled and called out, stopping Kankri. "You're killing us now."

Kankri gave a glare to Cronus and went to the fridge and got the ice tea and poured himself a glass. 

"So, what were you talking about that involved me 'killing someone with mh speeches'?" He asked.

"We were talking about your brother. I was telling about him being FTM," Cronus replied. 

Kankri's eyes widened. "Why on earth would you be talking about that?" He asked in disbelief. 

"Well, it seems here my little sibling has the same problem," Cronus replies non chalantly.

"Oh! So you're transgender as well?" Kankri nods his head. "Well I see you mother takes it well, which is good for you. She accepts you, that's amazing. I must speak with her, we could-" Kankri began, a smile on his face.

"I said the same problem, not similar," Cronus said, rolling his eyes.

Kankri opened his mouth and then closed it, a saddened frown on his face. 

"Oh, I see," he sat himself on the stool beside me. "Well that's a shame. You must feel so uncomfortable having to wear those clothes. I must speak with her, I'll try to explain the situation, she might come around," he begins.

"No, wait. I haven't told her yet," I say before he goes on another rant.

"Haven't told her yet? Well you have to. She has to know. She could possibly help you bet on T and help for top and possibly bottom surgery," he states.

I stay quiet for a bit. "She probably won't accept me," I say, looking at my hands.

Kankri frowns and nods his head. "She mighy not but you don't know that for sure."  
he states. 

I nod my head as well. He was right. 

Kankri goans. "You look so uncomfortable in those clothes. Cronus, why don't we take your brother shopping? Possibly get him a hair cut as well?" Kankri says.

My head pops up and I stare at them. 

"What? I couldn't-" I begin, but it stopped by Cronus, wrapping his arms around me. 

"It's my duty as your older brother, to do this. Think of it as a way to make up for the Christmas we didn't share," he says.

I don't want to say no. I want this, badly. But feel like I can't accept something like this. 

I open my mouth again, but a hand takes my wrist and pulls, making me stand and begin to walk towards the door.

"Shoosh, no complaining. It's happening," Cronus says.

The three of us go get my hair cut first. It's styled similar to Cronus's, his idea, but we get a long purple streak in the middle, much to my and Cronus's joy and to Kankri's sigh.

Next, we get clothes. We got several pairs of shirts and pants. We also got some scarves. I love scarves, especially the purple and black stripped one.

At four we stopped our shopping and Cronus spent over $150 on me just for the clothes. I felt so happy I could die. When we got back to Cronus and Kankri's house, I quickly changed into my new clothes, involving under wear and all. 

I walked out with a proud look on my face, feeling more me then ever.

Cronus whistled, making me laugh and Kankri told me I look good. I smiled. This was probably the best day I've ever had.

"What the hell is with all of this-" a smaller version of Kankri appears and stops himself from continuing his own speech.

"Who's that?" He asks bluntly.

"Where are your manners? And why are your shoes still on? I have told you countless times to not wear them in the house! I just swept and mopped this floor! Oh, and thank you for taking them off Sollux. But anyways, Karkat-" Kankri begins to scold his younger brother. 

"I'm taking them off so shut up!" Karkat yelled and covered his ears and walked over to the foyer, Kankri in tow.

"I do not appreciate your voice and attitude,-" Kankri continues.

An awkward silence shifted in the air and then, Cronus laughed. 

"As lively as always," Cronus said.

The man Karkat brought home agreed. 

"Oh! I forgot my own manners!" Cronus exclaims. "Sollux, this is my little brother," he introduces me. 

This indeed, was the best day ever.

"Hi, I'm, "I begin, thanking who ever is above that my voice wasn't girly. "Eridan," I say. I had already thought of this name a while ago. It was close to my birth name, Erin.

"Sollux," the other says, putting his hand out. He has a lisp. I couldn't help but find it attractive. 

I shake his hand strongly. His hands were soft and warm. My chest felt weird. I felt a blush on my face and quickly turned my face away and went to get a drink.

"Sollux, come on!" Karkat's voice echoed throughout the house and Sollux sighed.

"Well, nice meeting you," Sollux said.

"You too," I replied. 

Sollux left and I felt like I was finally breathing after holding my breath.

A soft chuckle was heard from Cronus.

"I saw that blush," he teases.

"Shut up," I reply, sticking my tongue out.

Cronus just chuckles some more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm planning on making this longer. There will be around 3-4 chapters plus an extra chapter. 
> 
> Sorry for OOC, terrible spelling, etc.
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR KUDOS, BOOKMARKS, AND COMMENTS!!! <3

At eight at night I get home with the bags of new clothes in my hand. I felt dread and the fight or flight instinct was on full flight mode. I didn't want to do this and Cronus saw this. He offered to go in with me but I declined. He waited until I opened the door and closed it until he actually left. 

The first thing I felt was relief. She was already to sleep. She must have had a big day at work or needed to get up early.

I climb the stairs and go to my room and close the door. I make the few steps to my bed and collapse on it. I turn and lay on my back after getting the bags from being wrapped around my wrists. 

I look out the window, see the very dull stars and moon. I sigh. I'm glad she's not awake but I can't help the feeling of loneliness in my heart. It's always been like this. Whenever we did have time, we were at pageants or  recitals, shopping and just doing girly, gross stuff. Even when she wasn't there, I was forced to do girly things. 

I curl into myself on my side. 

I'm being stupid. 

That night, I go to sleep thinking about how grateful I am for my brother. But right before I actually do close my eyes, I remember something. Something I've wanted to know but never got the chance to ask or find out. Why and how did Cronus find me? 

When I wake up, it's to the sound of the front door closing and then a car door opening and closing. Mom has ready left for work.

I curl into my blankets and sleep for another hour. 

When I wake back up and go to the bathroom,  I can't help but look in the mirror and smile. I looked so much like a man. A very stylish man, but a man at that. 

After I brush my teeth, I take off my clothes and get in the shower, not looking at my overgrown man tits and weird under parts. I quickly shower and get out. I dry myself and just walk to my room. I pull my binder on and put a pair of the undergarments I got from my brother. I choose an outfit of sand colored jeans with a blue flannel and a light blue faded colored scarf.

I run back to the bathroom and style my hair, slicked back. I smiled then walked back to my room and put on my glasses and stuffed my wallet in my pocket. 

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Fef that I was going to walk around and that if she wanted to join me, she could.

I walked out of the house, grabbing my keys real quick, and leave, locking the door behind me.

Five minutes of walking, I feel a buzz in my phone and see its a reply from Feferi. I open it up and see that Feferi said yeah, and that she wants to meet up at the square and go to a cafe to see a friend of hers. 

I agree saying I'll see her in a few and that I have something to tell her.

I make my way down to what we call the square. It's right in the middle of the city, a place many go too since it has a bunch of shops. There's a tree in the center, that's where we usually meet.

I get there and wait by the tree, not five minutes later, Feferi is there. She walks over inspecting my outfit and hair. She grins.

"I love it. Looks great on you," She says, reaching her hand out feeling it. 

I grin and move her hand away chuckling.

She giggles and takes my hand.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've decided on the name I want to be called.

"You did?! Tell me!" She cheers out happily.

"Eridan," I tell her smiling. "It's close to my birth name, but that makes it good for everyone to remember."

Feferi nods. "I love the name. It really suits you," She tells me. 

"Eridan Ampora. Hmmm, nice ring to it," She giggles.

I nod and thank her.

After a bit of talking, we head to the cafe she mentioned. A childhood friend works here and she hasn't seen him in a while since he moved because of his older brother but came back a month ago. 

We get in there, a bell sound rings, noting our entrance. I look around and see a face that is very familiar. Feferi also knows him it seems because she runs up and gives him a hug.

Feferi turns towards me, ready to introduce me, when he opens his mouth first.

"Hey, Eridan, right?" He asks. I nod my head, feeling my cheeks darken.

My chest feels weird. It's warm and fluttery.

I look away from him, but only for a second.

"Yeah, you're Sollux, right?" I reply.

Feferi comes up to me and takes my hand and motions for us to sit down at a table.

"Here's the menu, I'll be back in a bit," he says, a lisp lightly complicating his words.

"I didn't know you knew Sollux," Feferi says.

"Yeah, he's my brother's roommate's brother's friend," I say. Wow, that's a mouthful.

"Pretty hot, right?" She grins and wiggles her brows at me as I blush massively. 

"I'm pretty sure he's bi or pan or something too," She adds as well. 

"Shush!" I tell her, reaching over and covering her mouth as she chuckles a bit.

I widen my eyes as he comes over with silverware, napkins, and a notepad to take our order.

"What would you like to drink?" He asks, ready to write it down.

"I would like some iced raspberry tea," I saw, wincing when I stutter.

Sollux takes no notice of my stutter, which I'm glad at, and nods, writing it down.

Feferi orders the same as me and Sollux leaves, getting our drinks.

I look at the choices of food I can get, avoiding Feferi's gaze.

When Sollux comes back, I place my order, a BLT, and Fef gets a salad.

While waiting for the food, Fef keeps her eyes on me. After a few awkward seconds, I give in and look at her back.

"What?" I ask.

"Want me to give you his number?" She asks.

"No! Fef I do not want to talk about this!" I say, giving her my best warning look.

She huffs and looks at me sadly. "You're always like this! Come on! You've never even been kissed and your, well, you, so you never date anyone!" She says. 

I roll my eyes.

"Thanks Fef," I grumble.

She huffs again and put her hand on my arm.

"I'm just looking out for you," She says.

I stay silent. She is looking out for me, but I guess I'm too awkward to actually try anything. I pout but move my hand to hers, petting it.

The sound of a throat clearing interrupts us and we both look up to see Sollux with our food.

We quickly move our hands back so he can put the food on the table.

I thank him and he leaves quickly. Feferi makes a weird face but doesn't say anything.

We eat our food, chat when our mouths aren't full, and then leave with a good tip and a wave to Sollux.

We decide to go to the mall. We go to Dicks Sporting Goods, joking about getting an upgrade. 

After that, we go to HT and FYE and some other stores, actually buying some stuff like plushies and stuff we honestly don't need. 

After over two hours of walking around, we go to the food court. We get some drinks and Chinese food. Before actually eating, Feferi excuses herself to go to the restroom. 

I sit at a table, sipping my soda when a three girls come up to me.

I look up at them as they giggle a bit.

"Hey, I love your hair," one of the girls say, pressing their hands on the table and leaning on it.

"Oh, thanks," I say a bit awkwardly. 

"So, we're new here and we don't exactly know what is good to eat. Which place should we eat?" One of the others say smiling and batting their eyes.

The third one comes around and puts their hand on my shoulder, smiling.

The other two are obviously annoyed with her since they roll their eyes.

I look at her hand awkwardly and roll my shoulders, hinting at her to move her shoulders.

"So, do you have a snap chat?" The girl, still touching me, asks. 

"Oh, there's a Starbucks across the intersection, " A voice I know as Feferi says behind me. I quickly look at her, my eyes pleading for help.

The other girls look confused.

"What?" One asks. 

"Oh, sorry, you looked, whale, a bit thristy," Feferi says, giggling and coming up to me and moving the one touching me away and kissing my cheek.

"Isn't that right cuttlefish?" She says, grinning up at me.

I nod and hold her hand close to me, playing the part.

"Yes. Welcome back by the way. Ready to eat?" I ask and she nods going to sit down.

The other girls leave, whispering to eachother and glaring at Feferi.

I chuckle when their gone, Feferi soon joining too.

"That was eventful," I say, her chuckling and agreeing.

We eat our food, it teasing and acting coupley, joking around. 

After half an hour, we get up and through our food and drinks away, leaving with our bags in hand. 

I feel a vibrate before the sound of my ringtone play from my phone. I reach into my pocket and see that it's a text from Cronus. 

"What's it say?" Feferi asks, coming up to me, curious.

"It's Cronus, he wants to know if I want to come over and have dinner with them," I tell her.

"You should go! Spend time with your big bro!" She tells me and I smile. 

I think about how a certain guy might be there and I quickly decide that yes, I'll go over.

After fifteen minutes, Feferi and I part ways, going to our home. I drop my stuff off at the house right when a car pulls in. 

Cronus is here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some new characters next chapter and sadness :3 I drew a pic of Eridan's outfit. It's not colored since I'm afraid I'll ruin it XD Also, it's not inked or anything because I'm too lazy :P Also, crappy thumb is crappy XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just bullshit on a page.   
> Sorry for being forever. I've moved and been busy with school.   
> Don't worry though my lovely readers. I am writing a few side stories for you.  
> And Amon, do your school work so you can visit me!!!! <3

To say eating dinner at Cronus's house was eventful would be an underestimate. 

The first thing that happened when we walked into the house was hearing Karkat scream profanities in the living room with the sound of laughing being heard afterwards. 

"Oh great," Cronus says with a sigh as he walks toward the living room, me following after him.

Karkat is sitting on the couch, glaring at, to me, was a crazy mop of inky black hair, the TV on and some really crappy television show about marrying someone you don't know playing.

The person sitting beside Karkat turns towards us and my eyes nearly fall out of my skull.

The guy had clown make up on, a lazy smile on his lips and eyes slightly red eyes and pupils stretch to its limit showing he was higher than the dead stars in space.

Karkat turns his head towards us, but I barely notice as my eyes are glued to the stoner on the couch.

"Gamzee, turns around before you make the guy piss himself," Karkat says, snacking the back of the other guy's-Gamzee's- head.

I feel a hand on the back of head, turning it, and an extra hand turning my body, towards the kitchen. 

"Creepy clown," I hear my brother murmur under his breath as he avoids looking at Gamzee.

Only after we take a step in the kitchen do I hear the sounds of kitchen wear being moved about and the smell of cookies and possibly something else being baked.

"Hey, clown man staying for dinner?" Cronus asks Kankri, who is currently washing a head of lettuce. 

"Yes, he is, and be polite. You know how hard Gamzee's life is, "Kankri says, giving Cronus a look.

"So, what's for dinner?" Cronus says, not making any comment on Kankri's warning.

I go over to a stool and sit down, watching them -Kankri turned to me and greeted me with a small, closed mouth smile-.

"Well, I am cooking spaghetti, I put some meat sauce over on the left burner for you and anyone else, and salad with grape tomatoes, cucumber, carrot slices-"

"So salad and spaghetti, got it," Cronus says, interrupting Kankri's long list of vegetables in the salad.

Kankri gives a glare at Cronus.

"Also, there is garlic bread for you as well," Kankri says.

Cronus nods and walks to the oven and peeks and smiles happily.

"Chocolate chip cookies!" He grins.

"They are not for you. They are Gamzee's and Karkat's. Oh, you can have some if you'd like Eridan," Kankri says and starts cutting the lettuce. 

Cronus has his mouth open in a stocked, heart broken look. 

"But…" he says.

"No 'buts' Cronus, you get no cookies."

"How come Eridan gets cookies," Cronus pouts.

"Because Eridan is a good behaving young man who hasn't interrupted any of my conversations. You on the other hand, rudely did so when I was explaining what we were eating after YOU asked what was for dinner," Kankri replies with his button nose held high.

"But… but… come on chief," Cronus says, moving close to Kankri and tries to put his head on the other ones shoulder.

Kankri skillfully moves away and then starts a rant on how he does not like being touched.   
I decide it's best to leave them two alone and go to the living room.

When I get there, I see Karkat intently watching the television with Gamzee's head in his lap, stroking the juggalo's untamable black hair.

Karkat looks up as I go and sit in a sofa chair beside the couch, then looks back to watching the TV.

After the ten minutes of awkward tension in the room, we hear the sound of Kankri calling everyone to the dinning room for dinner.

We all enter and take our seats. On one side, it's me at the right end, then Cronus, then Kankri.

Then, on the other side, across from me is Gamzee, then beside him is Karkat.

To be honest, the meal was a bit awkward. Kankri made wouldn't look at any of the food we were eating, do to him being a vegan (the pasta was vegan pasta, to be honest, it didn't taste any different.) Cronus did his best to keep the conversation going, though it was forced and he kept giving clown man looks.

Gamzee ate the food happily, oblivious to the awkward tension and mess he was causing.

Karkat would glare at Gamzee's mess and then tell him to wipe his mouth- which he did, but terribly, which led to Karkat doing it for him and the juggalo to squirm out of his grasp- and eventually sigh in defeat.

For me, I small talked with Cronus, trying to keep my attention to the man across from me because seriously, how else would you react to man who was scrawny, long limbed, had a tangle of hair, and oh, you can't forget, CLOWN MAKE UP!

After, what would be a very awkward dinner, if it weren't for the fact I've had worse with my mother, we all carry our dishes to dish washer and Kankri points to the cookies on the island for Karkat, Gamzee, and me.

Gamzee piles to the cookies and happily eats them and goes to give Kankri a hug, but stops when Karkat directs him to the living room instead, much to Kankri's pleasure. 

Then, after five minutes of Cronus giving me pleading eyes- I do admit, I gave him some cookies- the door bell rings and then the door opens.

"Oh, Sollux, I didn't know you were coming, I would have made sure to keep a plate of dinner for you," Kankri says from in the foyer.

My eyes widen and a blush goes to my cheeks as I only hear his voice.

How can a voice make a person blush is a mystery to me, especially when said voice can't even pronounce words correctly! 

Cronus wiggles his brows and I will my blush to go down as Kankri directs Sollux to the kitchen.

He walks in and looks taken a back at first from me being there but quickly changes that and looks neutral again.

"Hey, didn't know you'd be here," he says as he gets a cookies and munches on it.

"Yeah, well, it's my brother's house so…" I reply. 

He shrugs and keeps looking and me like he wants to say something. Somehow Cronus has left and it was just me, Sollux, and the cookies.

Well, guess I should munch on on a cookie.

I eventually get tired of the staring eyes and look back.

"Something you want?" I say, grabbing another cookie. Jesus these are good. How many did he even make!?!

"You and Fef dating?" He instantly blurts out.

I almost choke on my cookie and look at him in shock.

"What?! No! She's just my friend! Why? You interested?" I reply after coughing.

Sollux laughs and smiles. "Nah, she's more of like one of those cool friends that you can flirt with, but not mean anything," he says. I nod. It's true.

We stand there for a bit more.

Wow. It's been a really awkward day.

"You coming to watch a movie or are you going to munch in silence like morons?" A gravel like voice says.

Thank you blunt Karkat.

Sollux nods and moves to the living room, waving his hand goodbye to me.

"That was awkward." Cronus says coming behind me and lays his body on my and almost knocks me down if it weren't for the island.

"Shut up," I mumble and he chuckles.

"Want to stay the night?" He asks, still laying on me.

"Don't have any clothes," I say.

"Borrow mine or Karkat's," he replies.

I purse my lips and shrug.

"Sure. Why not," I say and he nods.

"You need to call your mom and tell her?" He asks.

"Nah. She won't even notice I'm not there, " I say.

Cronus hums and then leans off of me and ruffles my hair.

"Wanna do my nails and doll me up?" He says, battering his eyes.

"Just show me the makeup and I will make you fab," I say with mocking sass.

"Oh Eridan! You know how to please a man!" He laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for OOC, grammatical and spelling errors, and just crappy plot line and writing.


	4. Thanksgiving Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the next part to the story, it's just a side chapter of how Eridan's hair was finally seen by his mom and made because of the holiday Thanksgiving. :) SLAL chapter 4 will be uploaded soon. Thank you all readers!!! You are all amazing and I hope today is a great day for you!! *hugs* (~^0^)~

Today is Thanksgiving. It's the day everyone is to go to their relatives house and spend time with the family and be thankful for what they have.

At my place it's a different story.

You see, today is just about the rare occasion I get to see my mother. Usually she is gone before I wake up and asleep before I come home or after I'm in bed.

Today is also the rare day she cooks.

Usually she leaves money on the counter and makes sure the cuburd and fridge and freezes are stocked. She never has anything prepared.

Today is also the unfortunate day that my mother will see my hair.

I had the same as her before I cut and put dye in it and that always seemed to please her. I know for a fact that she'll be very upset.

I am sitting on our couch as I wait for the time my mother will be home from work -yes, even though it's a holiday, she works, though only half a day- and I anticipate her wrath.

I sit up strait when I here the rev of an engine being cut off and the opening and closing of a door; a click that indicates it's been locked.

I then shiver as the sound of expensive heels walk up the stairs, then the jingles of the keys -and I am panicking now- and the click as the door is unlocked.

"What have you done to your hair," and angered, displeased, and shocked voice demands and my mother lays her couch bag on the end table.

I wince and look down at my hands.

"I….I liked the color and I thought a cut like this would be… cute," I say, almost gagging at the little lie at the end. I wanted the cut to make me look like a boy.

"You look ridiculous! You look like some boy," She says in irritation.

Good. That's the point.

A sigh comes out and my mother walks to the couch and sits beside me. She moves her hand into my hair gently -I force myself not to move from her touch- and strokes it.

"I'm going to have to buy extensions now. This is such a pain," She tuts.

"T-thats a waste of money. I'll be fine. I actually kind of like it," I give a nervous chuckle.

"Well I don't." She says sternly, but let's out another sigh. "But I guess it'll be fine. Enjoy your hair while it lasts because you are not cutting it again," She says and stands up and walks to the kitchen.

I finally move my eyes to look at her.

She hasn't changed much. Her long black hair reaches her perfectly curved hips. She has a nice curvy body, not to curvy. She is thin and has almost flawless skin. Her lips are a dark pink that matches her winged eyes and pale skin and outfit perfectly.

It makes me at how beautiful she is. Though with most people, it shouldn't matter. But the only reason I'm mad is because say I have her beauty.

\------------

After dinner was cooked and the table was set, we sat down at the table to eat.

During our feast, she kept giving me looks. Kind of annoyed looks.

I avoided looking at her still. 

With a grumble she harshly set down her silverware and glared at me. 

"Erin. Sit like a lady," She hissed out.

Oh. That'd what it was.

I looked down at my legs. They were parted, each knee going in a different direction.

"Mother, it's fine. No one is here to see anyways," I mumbled out.

"I'm here to see it and it is disgraceful," She says, her nose turned up, making her look like she was the queen and her words were absolute.

I squeezed my eyes in frustration. I am sitting how I should sit. Like a boy. I will not sit like a stupid girl! How is sitting causing a damn problem anyways.

In my thoughts, I didn't hear my mother get up until she was right by my.

I widened my eyes open as she grabbed my knees and pushed them together roughly, making them knock together painfully.

"Ouch!" I yell out and push away from her and the table, falling to the floor. I glare up at her and pout.

"You are so dramatic," She says, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

I simply glare up at her.

"If you'd only sit properly we wouldn't have a problem," She sighs out.

I get up and begin to storm out. 

"Where are you going?" She demands, following me.

"Why do you want to know?! You never cared before?!" I wip around and yell at her.

Her face flares up and I leave the house, slamming the door with all my might.

I briskly walk towards the direction that takes almost half an hour by car and near two hours by foot.

I don't even care how long it took. I could barely even see when I was walking, with tears running down my face.

I get to the house and ring the doorbell.

I begin to wipe my face when the door opens and I widen and a blush of embarrassment gets on my face as I see who answers the door.

"Hey, are you okay, a lisped voice rushes out, and a hand goes to touch my shoulder.

"Y..yeah… where's my brother?" I say, moving in as another voice asks whose at the door.

Karkat comes to the door way and freezes as he sees my red, wet face and his face contort to concern.

"Eridan?" He mumbles out, worried.

"I need to see Cronus," I say, moving away to look while trying go hide my face.

Just then Cronus comes out of the kitchen.

"I thought I heard my little broth-" he pauses and his face switches from happy to concerned.

"Hey, Eridan, what happened?" He asks and I instantly begin to cry hard.

"I… she…" I begin and Cronus wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"Come on, let's go upstairs and talk," he says and leads me upstairs.

God. I'm such a baby. Stupid stupid stupid!

We get to his room and he has me tell him what happened. He listens the entire time, rubbing my back and pulling me close as he listens to what happened.

"Hey, who cares about her. She can piss off for all I care. She's stupid. Ignore everything she said. She doesn't even know her own son," he says, rubbing my shoulder.

I nod and lean into him, saddened.

I'm just glad I have a great brother. Even though I haven't known him for long, he's the closest family member I know.

After that, Cronus took me down the stairs into the living room where Sollux stood up and walked over to me.

"Hey," he said, nudging me softly.

"Hey," I say, blushing a bit, embarrassed.

"You doing okay?" He asks bit, looking at me with his head bowed.

"Yeah. I'm doing okay now," I reply with a light smile.

"Okay," he says and gives my shoulder a small squeeze and gives me a smile that seems to make me melt.

He walks away and then, I have a red sweater in front of me and I look up and I see his concerned face. 

"Are you alright? What happened?" He says, surprising me how short his wording was.

"I'm alright now. Is it okay if Cronus tells you. I really don't want to start saying it again. I just want to forget it," I tell him and he nods in understanding.

"It's okay, I perfectly understand. I'm just glad you're alright now. It's a shame your upset on such a day of thankfulness," he says and touches my shoulder awkwardly, which is really something nice considering the man cringes at physical contact.

I smile and he directs me to the dinning room where the food is laid out and Gamzee, Karkat, Cronus, and Sollux is sat.

We all eat happily.

It's strange how a vegan can cook turkey and ham so well. Though I guess he has Cronus to test the food.

This Thanksgiving may have had an unhappy beginning, but I'm glad how it turned out. I may not be happy about the mother I have, but I'm thankful for Cronus. He's the best brother I can get. He gave me the chance to meet all the people at this table.

Without him I would never have met Kankri, and without him Karkat -though we aren't even relatively close, he is still a good person and he has the same body as me!- and without meeting Karkat…

I look towards my left and see the man named Sollux. He moves his eyes towards me and our eyes meet.

He lifts the corner of his lips and I smirk as well and eat.

Of course, these thoughts will never be said aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rushed chapter due to only thinking of writing it a few hours ago thanks to Amon giving me the idea!!! :) Thanks Amon. You're awesome! <3
> 
> (Please excuse possible OOC, writing and grammatical errors. Thanks!! )


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :3 Christmas break starts today for me! Woo!! Hope this chapter is good!! I'm kind of dizzy today, so my spelling and grammar might be worse than usual, but hopefully my spellcheck took care of most of it. Anyways, sorry for OOC and everything else that might be a problem!! You're all awesome, have a great day!

As it turns out, putting makeup on Cronus did in fact, happen.

How, you may ask, that we got makeup in a house full of men?

Well, Cronus has a box full of makeup.

It's odd for a man to have makeup, at least in societies viewpoint, but I have to admit; I've never seen a guy look so good with it on.

Cronus sat down on his bed with his face completely relaxed, a smile adorning his face.

I had to stifle a laugh at how weird this was.

Because really.

I'm a transgender guy who is putting makeup on my older brother. It should be a sitcom or something. 

But what was probably the best part of me putting Cronus's hair in a stylish do and makeup to perfect, was when Kankri walked in.

He simply walked in, looking at the ground and was in mid blink, he was about to say something when he looked at us two and stopped.

Then he very calmly and seriously told Cronus that he accepted him for who he was, and left.

Cronus looked like he wanted to die laughing or just die.

I tucked my lips in to hold the laughter.

"Well, this is going to be hard to explain. Hope he's not already thinking of getting me L'Oréal for Christmas," Cronus says with a sigh and half heart chuckle. He then clears his throat and closes his eyes.

"Now, finished me. Paint me like one of your modern girls," he says, opening his eyes only to give me a wink and then closes them once more.

I roll my eyes, though he can't see it.

Stupid boys and their makeup. 

\-------------

The next morning I wake up on Cronus's bed. Even though he prepared the guest room, I fell asleep here to some old movie.

I move my head the the right and see Cronus curled up, droll on his lip, snoozing away. I roll my eyes and take my cell out and take a picture of it.

That'd be good black mail.

I sit up and yawn. I groan as I feel the uncomfortable scratchyness of my throat and a slight pain in my chest since I never took off my binder last night.

I get up and walk to the bathroom. I use it and grab the spair toothbrush Cronus gave me. I then go downstairs to the kitchen, in search of something to drink.

I grab a cup from the cubburd and then open the fridge and get out a carton of orange juice. I take massive gulps and then refill class and put the juice in the fridge and go sit on a stool.

I take a few more sips and just stare into oblivion. Not thinking of much but somehow my mind occupied.

In fact, my mind was so occupied of nothing that I don't notice the sound of feet coming down the stairs or the sound of a person coming towards the kitchen.

I blink as I notice Karkat walk in, wearing only crab boxers and a half top binder, his eyes squinted, obviously just waking up.

He doesn't seem to notice me as he heads strait to the sink and turns it on and sticks his head underneath.

I stare at him, very confused on what the hell he was doing.

After a bit, he takes a gasp and removes his wet head and turns the faucet off.

He turns around, more alert now, and freezes.

His eyes bug out first, and then a terrified and defenently not manly scream is let out and he lifts his leg towards himself and his arms flail up.

I can't help the laugh as he does that.

"What the hell are you doing down here!? You almost gave me a heart attack!!" He screams out.

"I was thristy,"I reply.

He growls and then something clicks in his mind and he covers his chest and attempts to cover his stomach as well and glares and moves away, facing me the whole time and walks sideways.

I shake my head. That guy is so weird. 

\-------------

At breakfast, Karkat's eyes are constantly on me, glaring.

It turns out Gamzee stayed the night, since he is shoveling pancakes Kankri made into his -somehow already clowned- mouth. Also, it seems Sollux went home last night due to his absence.

"Karkat, would you stop staring at Eridan? It is very rude and from what I've seen, he has done nothing to you for you behave as such," Kankri spoke out, his voice calm but warning.

Karkat sent me one last glare and turned his gaze from me and towards his food.

Cronus raised his eyebrow at me, I avoided his look. I guess Karkat was very self-conscious.

After our breakfast, I went into the living room and sat down on the sofa. I took my cell put and text both Rose and Feferi, just the usually inquiry on how they are and what was going on in their life.

Feeling the cushion beside me deeped, I turn my head to see who was sitting beside me. My heart almost rips out of my chest when I see a painted face stare back with a lazy smile. 

"Hey brother, what's going on through that little noggin," the raspy voiced man asks.

I stay quiet for a few seconds, still kind of shocked that the man was so close to me and he was just so very strange.

"Nothing," I reply. 

Gamzee nods his head, his lips pursed.

"So I heard you and all up and scared karbro this morning," he speaks again.

"Oh, yeah. I was in the kitchen and he was half asleep and didn't notice me," I reply, quickly looking at my phone, pretending I'm doing something else, hoping he'd get the hint that I don't want to talk to him.

Gamzee hums and continues speaking.

"So you saw him all up and shirless, right?" He asks.

I stare at my, phone, then look at him again.

"Yes. Why?" I ask. 

Why didn't this guy get the hint?!

Gamzee hums again.

"I'll be right back," Gamzee says and gets up off the couch and walks away.

I then hear hushed voice having a coversation. I strain my ears and listen. 

"So?" The first voice, Karkat asks.

"He said he saw you shirtless," Gamzee replies.

"And" Karkat hisses out.

Gamzee doesn't speak again, but I assume he did something because Karkat growls out.

"Why didn't you ask him?" 

"It didn't know how," Gamzee replies.

Karkat grumbles and then I hear him and Gamzee stomp towards me.

"So, you saw me shirtless," Karkat says as he stands in from of me with a glare on his face.

"Yeah," I reply, then sigh. "Look, sorry I didn't let you know of me being there, but I honestly don't see why you're getting so worked up over it," I huff out.

"I'm getting worked up because you saw me in my binder!!" Karkat basically screams out, his face red and Gamzee just pat Karkat's back awkwardly.

I stare at Karkat for a bit and frown.

"It's not like it's something I don't see everyday," I tell him and fold my arms over my chest. "I mean, I understand that it's weird and cold make you uncomfortable for someone to see you like that, but-" 

"Wait, hold on," Karkat interrupts.

I look at him with and raised brow.

"I… I'm very lost now," Karkat says.

"With what?" I ask.

"So… wait… are you trans?" Karkat asks.

"Well, yeah," I tell him, confused he was asking this.

"Wait, you didn't know? Didn't your brother tell you?" I say again.

"No! He didn't tell me anything!" Karkat yells out, he then storms away yelling for Kankri.

"Kankri!! Why didn't you tell me!" I hear him yell out.

"Karkat why must you yell so much? I didn't see I had a reason to tell you," I hear Kankri huff out.

"Well, it's something I'd like to know so I don't make a fool of myself!"

I roll my eyes and give a short chuckle.

Cronus's house sure was lively. It's a nice change from what I'm used to at my house.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Yay!!!! XD SO I have some cool stuff planned for SLAL and the next chapter will have Rose and I'm already laughing at what's going to happen xD Pay attention to the tags my readers, so you won't be shocked for a certain scene. Thank you all for being lovely people! I am planning on doing some side chapters that I am already working on! I hope you all have am great day and I apologize for OOCness and grammatical and spelling errors! :)

Karkat, Gamzee, and I all sat in front of the television. My brother and Cronus had left an hour before, saying they were going shopping and that I could come or they could drop me off if I didn't want to stay. I told them I'd rather stay here than go home.

Thirty minutes prior, Gamzee was almost crying because Karkat wouldn't let him choose a TV show. That was actually amusing, seeing Gamzee whine and flop his tall and lanky body on top of the small Karkat. 

In the end, Karkat let Gamzee choose a TV show, though it happened that Gamzee felt bad so he turned it onto something Karkat liked.

I move my eyes to them. Karkat laid close to the clown man, both of them relaxed and watching the TV, Gamzee seemed to be unknowingly running his hands lightly against Karkat's hand. It was… cute.

It made a dark feeling in my gut appear that I quickly shoved away. 

I grabbed my phone and texted Rose.

We chatted back and forth. Apparently she was busy getting suitcases packed so she could visit her brother. He lives about eight hours away from where she lives with her mom. 

Being as they are related by having the same father, it was just going to be Rose visiting, though her brother, Dave, wanted to meet Rose's significant other, Kanaya, so both of the girls will be staying with Dave and his brother at their place for five weeks.

I barley notice the feeling of another person by me until I hear a familiar lisp voice speak to me.

"What are you smiling about?" 

I whirl my head to my left, my eyes wide and I push my phone to my flat chest.

Sollux was right beside me.

When the hell did he get here?!

When the hell did he sit by me?!

Why the hell is he talking to me?!?!

"Hell?" He waved his hand in front of my shocked face that was now beginning to redden.

"It's none of your business," I speak out before I can think.

Sollux simply raises his eyebrow.

"Oh, sorry," he says, forcing to sorry out slowly. My eyes narrow slightly. Is he…. Is he smirking?

"Well you should be, you scared me half to death," I stutter out lamely. 

I see behind his two different colored shades -it's impossible to tell his eye color from them. When does he even have 3D glasses anyways- his eyes crinkle slightly as he gives a wider smile.

"Oh, did the big bad Sollux scare you?" He teased out.

I gawk and puff out and stick my tongue out at him.

Yeah, I know, I'm mature.

Sollux simply chuckled and turned his attention to the television.

I stayed staring at him for a bit, studying his face.

He was extremely attractive.

His dark brown hair almost looked black, it was cut with short bangs, the back looked a bit on the spikey side. 

His jaw line was sharp and his face thin as well as his body, which was tall as well.

He wore 3D glasses, making it hard for one to see his eyes. He seemed to favor dark color clothes since today he is wearing a black T-shirt and gray jeans.

I look away, not wanting him to notice me looking at him.

I feel the vibration of my phone signaling at text. I open my messages and read. My eyes widen and a wide grin appears on my face

The message was from Rose, asking to confirm which town I lived at because she happened to find out it was only a fifteen minute drive from the town her brother lived in.

I confirm her message and grin as her reply comes quick, saying we absolutely, at no cost, must see each other.

I keep my smile on my face and text back in forth with Rose, a few messages with Feferi as well. 

I do get the feeling of eyes on me, so I lift my head, but don't notice anyone looking at me.

I inwardly shrug my shoulders and keep texting my friends.

An hour or so passes when Kankri and Cronus come back. The left side of Cronus's cheek is red and I notice that Kankri won't even acknowledge Cronus's precence.

I raise my brow at Cronus and he just gives and short chuckle and grin, then asks if I'm staying for dinner.

I widen my eyes and look at the time.

Four o'clock it reads.

I missed lunch.

As if on cue, my stomach rumbles and blush slightly and then nod.

Cronus chuckles and I glare at him.

After dinner, Cronus drives me home. 

I kind of don't want to go home. It's such a cold place there. 

When we pull into the driveway, I just sit in the car for a few minutes. Cronus says nothing, it's as though he can read my mind.

He pats my shoulder when I go to get out.

"Just remember chief, I'm always a phone call away."

I grin and say goodbye.

I walk into my lonely house that I have been forced to call home.

I go upstairs to my ugly room that has been dolled up.

I lay on my cold bed and close my eyes.

I manage to fall asleep.

I dream of a pale set of lips brushing against my skin.

Hands on my naked, male chest.

Lips run their way from my lips to my ears.

I hear a soft voice whisper deeply into it, words I don't understand, yet make me feel so warm.

Hands move down to my jeans and I feel the long fingers run across the bump that has formed.

I move my eyes to the face of the man on top of me.

Black hair framing a thin, sharp face. Eyes I can see, but are bleary and not showing the color of.

I gasp as pleasure pulses through my veins as the hand slips into my pants and grabs me.

I close my eyes and let's out breathy, quiet moans.

The hand keeps moving and I feel lips on my neck, tracing my adams apple and the feeling of it all its becoming so intense!

My eyes slam open and I am breathless and the sun is blaring through the window as it shows that it is morning and I am awake.

I groan and move to get up but freezes instantly.

I feel my stomach turn as I feel a wetness down below.

It's not the fact that my undergarments were wet with an obvious substance that brought tears into my eyes and the feeling of wanting to vomit. It was the reminder of what made my undergarments wet. It's the reminder of the body part between my legs that made me want to vomit.

I quickly shuck of my clothes and cringe. 

I go to the bathroom and I make the mistake of looking at the mirror.

I want to vomit.

Why was I born like this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for Eridan at the end U.U OH WELL!!


	7. Christmas Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IN THE EYES OF CRONUS!!!! ERIDAN IS NOT IN THIS CHAPTER!!
> 
> NOT REALLY PART OF THE ORIGINAL STORY. JUST LIKE THE THANKSGIVING SPECIAL, IT IS FROM A DIFFERENT TIME IN HE TIME LINE! $

Snow glitters the ground as Kankri and I walk around the shopping center, bags already in our arms. 

We are headed towards the parking lot, freezing and ready to put away our bags in the car and put our arms to rest.

We sigh in relief as we reach the car. I quickly unlock the door and Kankri and I both shove our bags into the back seat.

I rub my sore arms and plop into the driver's side and start the car. Kankri gets in beside me and we both shiver from the warmth coming into contact with our cold bodies.

"Who knew shopping would be so hectic," I grin to the beautiful man I've grown to yearn for.

Kankri rolls his eyes, though not in a mean way, more of a acknowledgement of what I was saying and showing he thought it had no reason for a comment.

I grin and just look at Kankri.

The man was beautiful.

His skin was a very light tan, showing possible Hispanic background. His hair black and neatly clombed -though some colicky are showed-, unlike his brothers dark brown, uncontrollable hair. 

Kankri's eyes are similar to Karkat's. It's a brown that almost looks like it has almost reddish hue, surrounded by a long set of lashes.

Kankri looks my way and raises a brow. I smile at him and turn my way towards the front of the car and put my seat belt on and put the car on drive and begin to make my way back home.

We get back to the house and shuffle our way into the house with our arms filled with bags.

Karkat being at Sollux's house, we know it's clear to bring his Christmas presents inside. We go to my room and lay the bags all over the bed and floor. We sigh and I look over at Kankri again.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I ask with a grin.

"We have to take care of this stuff first," Kankri says to me.

"We can do it later. C'mon Kanny, Karkat won't be home until later," I give him my best smile.

Kankri thinks about it for a bit, then sighs and nods his head.

"Alright, but right after, we are putting away this stuff!"

I nod happily and rush down the stairs and go to the couch and sit. Kankri takes the more regular pace.

Once we get comfortable, we pick the movie and begin to watch it.

I can't help but not pay attention to the movie, but to the man beside me.

He was beautiful and I loved him. I have loved him for years since the first year of high school.

Without realising it, I lean closer to him. My eyes lower, my body seeming to be on auto pilot.

Kankri notices my movement and turns his head towards me, a look of wonder on his face, which quickly turns to shock as I connected our lips in as kiss.

Just as fast as our lips touched, they were seperated as a feeling of pain appears on my cheek.

Kankri looks just as shocked as I am and quickly begins to apologize.

"Oh no! I am so terribly sorry! I didn't mean to slap you! You surprised me, and you know how I am with physical contact-" he begins to rant as guilt spreads across his face.

I smile and then let out a laugh, which silenced him.

"It's okay Kanny, I know how you are. Guess I got caught up in the movie!" I smiled at him.

He frowns and looks at me, searching my face to see if I was honestly upset, which I wasnt.

I've felt this way for years, and after knowing Kankri for almost as long as my affection for him, I learned that we will never be together. At least not in the way I would want.

Kankri is strict about physical contact. I know that he also doesn't not want to be in a relationship all, whether it be because of religious reasons or for another cause.

And I accept that. I love him so much, that if he wanted, I would be just lucky enough to be friends with him.

I smile and he accepts my look and apologizes once more, which I brush off with a chuckle.

I face the TV and watch the movie, but not without feeling the warm hand of Kankri's, brushing my shoulder in a small gesture of comfort.

Just as much as I have accepted that I will always be his friend in his eyes, he has accepted that I will always love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays my lovelies!!! Excuse the OOCness and grammatical and spelling errors!!! I hope you all have an awesome holiday and there will be more uploaded hopefully by the end of the day!! :)


	8. Karkat's Story Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KARKAT'S STORY, MEANING ITS NOT THE ORIGINAL PLOT LINE!! ITS JUST SOMETHING I'M WRITING FOR THOSE WHO COULD BE INTERESTED!!!! 
> 
> Meant to post this yesterday, but I fail and decide to harass Amon. Well, there will be only two parts to this while I work on the actual story. I'm sorry for OOCness and grammatical and spelling errors!!!

Since I could remember, I had always felt like I was a male. Hell, before I was seven, I thought I was actually born with the same body as Kankri, my older brother. 

I did almost everything like him.

Notice the almost.

I wasn't as religious as him; he goes to church every Sunday, and when he was in high school, he went to youth group on Wednesdays.

I wasn't as weird with eating like was. He's a vegan. I'm not so much a meat eater, but I know I couldn't live without eating some crappy grease burger from some fast food joint at least once every two months.

He chose not to fall in love -though that doesn't really mean he can't feel emotions, just means he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone-. I yearn for the feeling of being loved and loving someone else- though I've been starting to doubt that I could be in a relationship-.

But other things, I tried my best to do what he did. He's my older brother. I looked up too him, still do, even with his annoyingly long ass spewls about shit no one cares about.

Like him, I somehow inherited the ability to rant for hours nonstop, though I try my hardest to keep it to a bare minimum. 

I wore sweaters, jeans, and a bunch of stuff I would just take from Kankri's room.

I even used the restroom like he did for a while, and it was extremely confusing and awkward when Kankri walked in on me standing and pissing while making a mess everywhere. That was probably the worst talks I ever had.

Anyways, after that contrastophy, Kankri had mentioned it to our parents, thinking I might have bladder problem or I hurt my legs and that's why I would sit on the toilet or some other worrying crap Kankri thought of.

Being the wonderous parents they are, -I'm being sarcastic- they called the doctors, gave Kankri the insurance cards and the time and day of the appointment and said the bus is on the corner of Elm St.

We went, they did tests and then the doctor asked questions, like why I was using the restroom like that.

Afterwards, the doctor asked if I could go out to the play room while he talked with Kankri. I frowned and left.

When Kankri came back out, his face was pale and the first thing he did was hug me.

I was so surprised because Kankri rarely shows affection like that. Hell, the thought of hugging someone usually made him cringe.

I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, my arms at my side, confused and frozen.

I was soon brought back to the doctor and the man did his best to explain that I was most likely Transgender. Female to Male or FTM.

on the way home it was very quiet. Kankri went straight to the kitchen when he saw that our moms car was there. I went upstairs to my room.

It was about five minutes of me sitting on my bed when I started to hear yelling. 

The yelling lasted for nearly ten minutes. It ended with a slam of a door and the open and slam of another door, then the roar of an engine and screech of the tires as the car leaves.

I sit on my bed and grab my pillow and hug it close to me.

I feel guilty. I must have done something wrong. Was being transgender bad? What if it was like a disease or something?

The door creeks open and I turn my eyes to my brother as he moves and sits beside me on the bed.

He sighs and I instantly feeling my eyes sting as tears form. I feel warmth on back as he lightly rubs the muscle in an awkward attempt to comfort me.

I look over to him and he looks tired, but he manages to give me a smie.

"Don't be sad. There is nothing wrong, okay? Sorry you had to hear us yelling, it won't happen again, okay?" He says and pets my hair.

It's so weird, he's never really given me physical comfort before.

I nod and wipe at my eyes and manage a smile.

He nods, then stands up and leaves.

For the following two months, every time my mom was home, Kankri seemed to stay by my side, making sure I was never alone with her. Mom never spoke to me, she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence.

Though, it wasn't so bad. Kankri got a job and he bought me new clothes and toys. We seemed to get closer since we were spending so much time together.

Finally, two months and one week since the doctor visit, Kankri and I were just getting home from school, him from high school -he was a senior- and me from second grade. He looked in the fridge and frowned, then he told me he was going to leave to the store to grab   
something for us to eat.

I nodded and he gave me glass of juice and told me he'd be back in a few minutes. I sat at the small table and drank my juice.

I sit there for five minutes when the door opens. I turn my head to ask what Kankri bought, when I notice it's not Kankri, bought my mom.

"Where's your brother?" She asks as she takes of her high heeled shoes and jacket and walks to the kitchen.

"He went to the store to get dinner" I tell her.

She nods and looks me up and down and with a sneer on her face, she speaks.

"Freak. Get put of my sight," and goes to the sink and grabs and cup, completely ignoring me.

I widen my eyes and look at her.

Never in my life has she said anything like that to me.

I feel pain in my chest and my eyes start to sting. I get up and walk to my room, walking past Kankri, who had just gotten home.

"Karkat? What's wrong?" I hear him say. I just ignore him and rush up the stairs.

"You. What did you say to him?" I hear his voice rise as he gets angry and begins to argue with our mother.

I ignore it all, close the door and go to my bed and cry.

I hate this. Why am I like this? Mom obviously hates this too. I wish it would stop.

I don't know how long I'm in my room, I just know that it's getting dark when Kankri storms in my room, grabs one of my bags and begins to shove my clothes in it.

"Karkat, go get your shoes on and a jacket," he tells me and I just sit there looking and him in shock.

"Now," he says with his voice showing it's a demand.

I quickly do what he asks as he leaves the room and soon comes back with another bag, his, full.

"Come on, let's go," he says as he grabs my hand and leads me downstairs and out the door.

He walks to our moms car and unlocks it. I look at him with wide eyes, but follow and get in the back seat and buckle up.

He looks at me to check if my seat belt was on, then starts the car. He pulls out of the drive way and we leave.

Never have I been in a car while Kankri drove. He has his licence, had them for a half year now it's just that he never had the chance to drive since our parents always had the car and Kankri didn't have the money for it.

We drove for thirty minutes until we got to where Kankri wanted to go. We get put the car and he walks up to the door and knocks.

Three seconds later, it opens to show and face I've only seen once or twice.

"Kanny? What are you doing here?" The man asks with a grin.

"My mom kicked us out," he replied. 

The man looks shocked and sad, then looks down and sees me, then gives me a sad smile.

"I'll go tell my dad we're going to have some roommates for a while," he says and with and smile, walks in, leaving the door open for us.

"Thank you Cronus. It'll only be for a little while. Just until I get money for a cheap appartment for me and my little brother," Kankri says.

"It's fine. You can stay here however long. You're always welcome here. You and him both are," Cronus says and goes to the living room where his dad was sitting on the couch watching TV.

I look at my brother in awe.

It was the first time someone referred me as a male. 

I look at Cronus. He used a male pronoun too and so naturally too. 

I smile lightly. The pain in my chest lightens, turning warm. 

It has been one hell of and year, but I think it's going to get better.


End file.
